Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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