Cold hands, warm shart.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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