UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
