roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
