i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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