Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
