i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
MIDGETS
????
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
