I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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