Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
