I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
and you fell through a lawn chair
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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