it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
