What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
