i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
