I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
