i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
