how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Couch. On fire.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
