Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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