i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
