After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
