i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
