No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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