sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They took my balls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
