If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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