i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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