Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
