there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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