so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
