So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
