If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
