oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
