you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would ride that face into the sunset
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
