Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
