Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
