I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
