fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
