I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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