Plan B is the new Plan A
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
