im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
