So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
