I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
