Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
