Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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