two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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