soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
