Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
