just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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