Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
