Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
