the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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