omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
